The Power of Self-Confidence Is there any quality so attractive, so appealing, so admirable as self-confidence? Individuals with this characteristic seem to exude a sort of aura that draws others to them. They are powerful, strong, enthusiastic, decisive but often enjoyable to be around.For every person with impressive self-confidence, there are a number who suffer from a lack of that very quality. Are you one of them?
Mediocrity and poor performance are often due to low self-confidence but is not something you have to live with. Confidence is a learned trait, not something we are born with. It's not like the color of our eyes or the height of our bodies. It is something that can be impacted and developed over a fairly short period of time to being well above average, yet often people shy away from the chance as they consider themselves not worthy of a better life. You own psyche can be influenced beneficially by you, creating a stronger sense of self-worth and a higher overall quality of life. Things can only annoy you, upset you, or affect you in any way, if you give it permission to.
Self-confidence gives you the ability to carry out your daily tasks with energy and certainty. So many people are just wading through life with a feeling of hesitancy or shyness; the self-confident person seems to glide on the surface. With a few small achievements under your belt, they soon multiply and create a new confidence from deep within you. You blossom and open yourself up to new experiences and enjoyable activities like opening a cellar door, bringing light to the gloom and mire of the depths. You actually create your own "luck" by being the kind of person who craves adventure, calculated risk, and the promise of great rewards. You don't gamble with your new found skills, you never risk anything unnecessary, but you now feel happier to take counsel and make decisions.
Fake it until you make it. Like many behaviors, projecting self-confidence is something that grows into a pattern over time. Even if you start out feeling uncertain and hesitant, simply give the impression that you really are pumped full of confidence. For the time being you will fool others into thinking that you are as assertive and ambitious as you seem, and in time you will "trick" yourself into believing it, too. But beware the arrogance this can sometimes encourage. Use the power of affirmations and the Universal Laws to your advantage.
You may also want to start by visualising yourself as a more self-confident individual. Imagine the way you will walk, talk and think when you have raised your self-confidence to a high level. Focus on that picture and with time it will become a reality!
Self-confidence is a strange thing. The more you feel it, the more it thrives and grows. A seedling of confidence will blossom over time into a healthy plant! So the key is to start off with at least some small task that you can accomplish and feel good about. Plan a schedule of activities where you challenge yourself on an increasing level of difficulty but at your own pace. Set a concrete goal for yourself that you know you will be able to obtain. It doesn't matter how seemingly insignificant it is--the point is simply to suffuse yourself with that feeling of achievement, so that you can experience it and start to grow it into something larger and more all-encompassing. Then do the same but dream a little bigger this time.
Self Confidence Tips1) How to Feel Good When You Need to
Scientists have stated that self confidence and feeling good has a major 'hormonal' element, you can change the way you feel by re-living good times. If you can remember a time you felt really self confident, then excellent - use that! If not, then use a time you felt contented or happy. Taking deliberate control of your thoughts and emotions will have a huge impact on your self confidence and other areas of your life.
2) Beating Self Consciousness, Confidence Enemy No.1
Despite the fact that self awareness is useful for learning about the impact you have on others, too much self consciousness is the No.1 enemy of self confidence. The trick is keeping your attention off yourself when you need to. Here's how...
a) When you feel self-conscious, (you can usually tell because you start to feel anxious), choose something outside of yourself to focus on and study it in detail. For example: examine a door, look at the different textures and shades of colour, wonder about who made it and how and so on. The important thing is that you're learning how to keep your attention off yourself.
It is a good idea to practice this technique in private first. Just sit quietly, practising focusing firstly on your own thoughts and then deliberately focusing outwards onto a picture or piece of furniture.
b) Social self confidence can be difficult to find sometimes because it is unclear what you are 'supposed to do'. In this event, concentrate on what your purpose in the situation is. Whether you're there to:
It's much more difficult to feel self-conscious if your mind is occupied with a task. An excellent task is listening and trying not to talk over or talk back to the person with whom you are talking. Everyone likes to talk about themselves, and a simple tactic is to use the acronym FORM. Ask them about Family, Occupation, Recreation and finally Monetary Goals (retirement plans, their children's university plans or ask for advice on their investment strategy!).
People are often most comfortable with others when working towards a common goal. The common goal of socializing could be making friends, the exchange of mutually beneficial information; expanding your knowledge of different types of people... it could be whatever you want it to be! The key is to have a strategic goal and a tactical objective along with landmarks along the way to identify your progress.
3) Watch Out for Undue Criticism - Especially Your Own!
Have you noticed that people will speak to themselves in a way they would never speak to others? You know the sort of thing - you break a glass and it's "You stupid idiot. You can't do anything right can you?" This type of criticism leaves the receiver feeling upset or depressed is rarely useful and sticks in the memory because it was said by someone close to you... you!
Challenging your own assumptions about yourself and other people can really help build self confidence. Here's a few to get you started: Those confident-looking people have bad moments too - you just don't get to hear about them!
If you feel as if you lack confidence, it doesn't mean other people can tell. They're often too caught up with their 'own stuff' to notice!
If you catch yourself saying things to yourself like "I'm no good at anything" then rest assured, you're no good at stating the truth about that. Everyone can compose a sentence, get successfully to the store, eat without choking and do a million other things. Emotion can make things seem hopeless when they rarely are.
Don't let yourself make sweeping statements about yourself - in the long run it is this sort of thing that can really damage your self image. If this happens, say to yourself calmly and gently, "Hold on a minute, that's not true". If you can come up with some evidence that disproves the sweeping statement, then even better. It may take a bit of effort at first, but the impact on your self confidence levels is huge.
Building self esteem is not just about thinking good of yourself, it's about not thinking bad without reason! Just because you have felt bad about yourself in the past doesn't mean you're always going to feel that way. I have seen hundreds of people surprise themselves once they have learned how to build self confidence in a way that it stays built!
The important thing is to get away from asking yourself disempowering questions like; "Why did that happen?", or "Why do I feel this way?", "Why does this always happen to me?" Replace those questions by using 'moving towards' questions like; "How would I like to feel?", "In what situations do I feel confident?", "What lessons can I learn from this?, "What is good about this situation?", "What have I achieved by doing this?" or, "What do I need to learn in order to have better self confidence in this situation?"
Persevere and don't expect everything at once. Really learn how to develop your self confidence by following the tips from this site and the free Self Confidence Course and notice the small differences as they happen. Building good self confidence is a wonderful thing, and it's much easier than you'd imagine.
Lee Werrell is CEO of Zaxx Worldwide a Multi-National Company Based in The UK.From Personal & Professional Development - mobile phones, Ipod and phone accessories, java games and ringtones and Web Promotion. An author of articles concerning many subjects Lee generally uses self development or technology as hios main focus.
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